Pourriture.

Salaud. Connard. J'te déteste. Enfoiré. Sale ordure. CONNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD.

All men are assholes. Except B.

Aujourd'hui j'ai prit une décision importante.

J'arrête mes études. Et ça va mieux depuis que j'ai prit cette décision mûrement réfléchie.
Et puis une heure après sous l'avis de mes parents j'ai changé d'avis. Je vais finir mon année.
Je ne suis pas encore apte à prendre de vraies décisions dirait on.

Lately I been walking walking in circles, watching waiting for something Feel me touch me heal me, come take me higher.

Je te hais je te hais je te hais je te hais mais pourtant je t'aime. Comme tu m'as achevée détruite décomposée. tu m'as trucidée, hachée en morceaux. chaque jour tu mens, tu dis que tu m'aimes et que tu penses à moi mais tu me rayes de ta vie, tu me jettes comme un vulgaire papier sale. Je te hais pour tout le mal que tu me fais, je te hais pour tout l'amour que j'ai pour toi, je te hais pour tout ce qu'on était et que tu effaces d'un geste désinvolte, je te hais pour me torturer, je te hais pour tout ce que tu me fais, je te hais parce que j'ais envie d'y rester, je te hais parce que tu ne tiens aucune de tes promesses, je te hais parce que tu passes à autre chose en mentant, je te hais pour tout, tout. Je te hais si seulement tu savais comme je te hais. Et le plus inquiétant dans tout ça c'est que je t'aime malgré les blessures que tu m'infliges chaque jour, toujours plus profondes et plus mauvaises. Tu es comme un poison qui coule dans mes veines et pour tout ça je te hais comme je t'aime.

Nanana Come on I like it come come on come on.

I feel bad. My doctor told me to stay again by my parents. I wanted to return to Caen for studies. I'm affraid. I won't win if I don't return.. I already missed 3 weeks, and 10 days more for now. I'm really affraid. And I miss my rat. Marion is the most beautiful person I know, inside and outside. I love her so much. I miss my JDL, she's so amazing. And I miss Sue too. I washes my car today! Ouf. And my heart is empty because he didn't answer to my mail. I'm affraid because I know that I lost him. But I need his love, I need his arms. I need him.

I don't know how I did before to be ok.

For learning again to live and move I decided to set targets for each day. Today: To wash my car. Tomorrow: To copy all my lessons. Tuesday: To go out on the town with friends.

There is in my eyes something bigger than the pain and the despair.

 

I drink too much alcohol since one week.

I can't. I try every day but I can't. I don't know why but I did believe in my family that I was better. My sister, my parents. But this is false. I'm not better, I'm not fine. I stay in my suffering and I only see one way out. His hand. He must come back because I lost my smile, my laugh, my mind. I had lost it a little before, when I lied to him and I told him that my lie was too heavy. But since he's gone, I can't move forward. I wish so much that he forgives me, I just expect him, I'm ready to go join him if necessary, leave it all behind me. But he must comin' back to me. Without him I have no heart anymore, no smile anymore, only tears and fears. Please come to me... Tell me again that you love me. Tell me again that I'm your princess. Tell me again that you dreamed of me. Tell me again that You miss me. Tell me again that you want me...

Picture: Emy and my brother in law.

Just because I like this beautiful picture.

Listen to: The Wampas

You.

You can't imagine how much it's hard to live without you. No no... It hurts. It hurts so much.

This rugby match was just PERFECT!

Thanks daddy for this day which was so great!

 Have you ever seen a fireworks display in broad daylight?

Happy birthday Daddy <3

 You are the best dad ever.