You.

You can't imagine how much it's hard to live without you. No no... It hurts. It hurts so much.

This rugby match was just PERFECT!

Thanks daddy for this day which was so great!

 Have you ever seen a fireworks display in broad daylight?

Happy birthday Daddy <3

 You are the best dad ever.

Das Meer ist schön. Die Kampagne ist hässlich, aber es ist mein Zuhause.

Hesitation. Jump on the highway and crashed to the ground or go his way. This time I chose to continue my way, what will it be tomorrow?

Today I've to go to Paris with my dad to see a rugby match! I'm in a hurry to see that. And a another good new, I won't stay one minute alone today, it's a good thing for me. I'll be with him for the day. We'll eat to the restaurent midday and I'm a little (a lot) affraid, I have to chose really good what I'll eat. It's really important. Grapefruit, chicken and beans. Probably. And maybe a sorbet. But that's all. No more. I have to. SO I kiss you guys and I think about you. I think a lot of Marion and hope to receive a SMS soon, I want that she talks me about her contest! But I'm sure she did it with a lot of success because she's the best she's becoming someone different but better. I trust in her like nobody can.

Friday.

Dad left me in the city this afternoon. 15 minutes later, I made one. Again. One hout later I called him and he was angry against myself because it was too late. So he was coming to take me away and he let me in the countryside. He said "it won't erase anything but you'll probably feel a little better". And he was right, I had to walk more than 6 kilometers. But I'm fat and I'm sad. But I think it's better like that.

I just want to tell you "Thank you" for everythin' you did. Because you helped me like nobody did.

I love you.

Je suis boulimique et je vis en enfer.

J'ai essayé pour elle. De sourire. Mais c'est dur. Chaque jour un peu plus parce que j'avais prit l'habitude de ne plus me forcer. Mais aujourd'hui j'ai plus de force. Je vous jure que j'ai essayé pour elle. Mais aujourd'hui je meurs. Tout se détruit, si bien psychologiquement que physiquement. Dès que je suis seule je passe mon temps à me remplir, plus que jamais. Je crève. Mais j'ai essayé pour elle, de vivre.

it's not my fault if I can't live without him

Photos Concert WAMPAS

JE SUIS FAN.

 Didier Wampas

 Tony Truan

 

Concert de malade!

Je crois que ma vie d'avant m'avait terriblement manquée. Je posterai des photos demain, un peu la flemme ce soir :) Mais concert de fou! Journée de fou! Passer la journée avec elle. Faire un concert avec elle. Vivre un rêve. Être les premières arrivées. Être au premier rang. Embrasser Didier Vampas sur la bouche. Lui tenir la main une fois. Le sentir la serrer une seconde fois. Être plaquée contre les barrières. Bouger au rythme d'un son enivrant. Monter sur scène. Faire un bisou à Tony Truant alors qu'il rembarre tout le monde. Faire une photo (ratée) avec lui. Faire une photo avec Didier. Simplement respirer et vivre. Je me suis sentie libre et vivante comme je ne l'avais pas été depuis des mois. Je me suis sentie comme avant. Dommage que ce ne soit que le temps de 3 courtes heures. Mais cette soirée restera gravée dans ma tête jusqu'au bout. Très certainement un des meilleur concert de ma vie. Didier qui chante debout porté par la foule, ou assis sur une chaise. Le voir sauter partout, la braguette ouverte et le voir craquer son pantalon. Cette soirée n'a pas de prix d'autant plus que je l'ai passée avec l'une des personne les plus importantes de ma vie. Je te remercierais jamais assez Sue de m'aider à m'envoler, de nous donner tant de choses à partager ensemble, de nous faire revivre nos vies d'avant. Merci du fond du cœur. Je t'aime Sue. <3

Habille moi H&M

Pourquoi faut il toujours que je me remplisse jusqu'à plus pouvoir bouger tellement j'ai mal au ventre?

Personne n'aime les monstres.

Personne ne peut réellement m'aimer.

Indésirable.

Je suis une incapable.

Fusillez moi la tronche.

A coups de pelle.

A coups de marteau.

Et même à coups d'rateau.

Fucking day, fucking illness, fucking breakdown, fucking sadness. Fucking myself...

My therapist told me I had to go out, see my friends. I must force myself. I have no desire. But today I did. I did and I made ​​two. I want to stay alone. Please. Let me alone...

I'm obsessed with you everyday. everytime I see your face.

I miss you.

« On n'a rien à perdre quand on n'aime personne. »

"J'aurais voulu être indispensable. A quelque chose ou à quelqu'un. A propos, je t'aimais. Je te le dis à présent parce que ça n'a plus d'importance."

"Dès cet instant, j'ai commencé à lutter. Contre moi, contre le bon sens et la réalité."

Takin' drugs.

Love me.
Hate me.

Drug me.
Explode me.
Eat me.
Ask me.
Phone me.
Tuch me.
Scream me.
Kill me.
Transfer me.
Call me.
Kiss me.
Hot me.

Like me.
Colled me.
Label me.
Struck me.
Ruin me.
Caress me.
Burn me.
Destroy me.
Seek me.
Translated me.
Belongs me.
Disguise me.
Want me.
Strip me.
Contaminate me.
Push me.

Swear me.
Bore me.
Listen me.
Join me.
Slap me.
Play me.
Cross me.
Activate me.
Hear me.
Look me.
Explore me.

Betray me.

The day started badly twice.

It'll be like that for the rest of this fuckin' day. I don't talk anymore. For 3 days. I didn't often my mouth since Monday. And I don't miss it. I just want that they let me alone.

Il fallait choisir une route Alors on a choisi la pluie Acide à s'en brûler le coeur Pourvu que planent les esprits...

"Dans la vie on a qu'un seul grand amour et tous ceux qui précèdent sont des amours de rodage et tous ceux qui suivent sont des amours de rattrapage."

" Ma souffrance est ma vengeance contre moi-même. "

I can't forget everything you gave me. I can't forget what you did for me. I can't forget you and live as nothing was hapend. I can't.

"Je ne savais pas que c'était si fragile,Je ne savais pas que les choses peuvent s'arrêter, comme ça, et ne plus jamais revenir.. »

Tears don't fall. Fears don't be there. (Liar liar.)

Let's go

With bloodshot eyes, I watch you sleeping
the warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading
would she hear me, if I called her name
would she hold me, if she knew my shame

There's always something different going wrong
the path I walk is in the wrong direction
theres always someone fucking hanging on
can anybody help me make things better

TEARS!!
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
her conscience calls the guilty to come home

The moments died, I hear no screaming
the visions left inside me are slowly fading
would she hear me, if I called her name
would she hold me, if she knew my shame

There's always something different going wrong
the path I walk is in the wrong direction
theres always someone fucking hanging on
can anybody help me make things better

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
her conscience calls the guilty to come home

This battered room I've seen before
the broken bones they heal no more, no more
with my last breath I'm choking
will this ever end, I'm hoping
my world is over one more time

Let's go

Would she hear me, if I called her name
Would she hold me if she knew my shame

There's always something different going wrong
the path I walk is in the wrong direction
theres always someone fucking hanging on
can anybody help me make things better

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
her conscience calls the guilty to come home

 

 

 

 

I know I made mistakes and I gradually realized. I acted like a child and thought I could make anger and return as if nothing had happened. I just was like a child. I made the biggest mistake of my life by not taking care of us. Why? Because you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I want you. I want us.

Concert in Paris!

Acid Dread + Poesie Zéro + Dolores Riposte = AMAZING! Sue, I love you so much, thanks for everything you made for me for over 6 years. Without you yesterday would have been so hard so sad. I would have stayed in my pain with everything's which hurts myself. I would have killed myself. But you were here and because of you this day was so amazing. Thanks again. I love you girl, my best friend.

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I think a lot. Who I am. And I'll tell you.

My favorite color is red. I'm allergic to flowers but I love roses and orchids. My health is rotten since I was little. I am the worst girlfriend in the world. I destroyed my dreams. I am a good listener. I'm stubborn. I have difficulties to accept my mistakes. I'm naive. Like riding a bike and go swimming. I love my goddaughter and her parents. I absolutely love my parents. I've never had any luck in love. Or I've missed. I had several "best friends" but I lost the most part, sometimes because they were stupid, sometimes because they weren't enought courageous, sometimes because of myself. I lost hope many times but he always saved myself. Today I am forced to move forward without him. I love music. I played battery. Today I miss it. I live in Caen and I can't get out because usually it's bad for the diet. But I love my friends. Every time I go to the disco guys dredge me but I don't like it. I miss him. She said she'll come back when I'll be the girl she loved, but I know that she'll never come back. And I'm sad. I feel alone. I love my new hairdressing. Boys are always stupid besides one but I lost him. I know, I just talk about him. Sorry. I love my family. I hate shopping. I love make up. I'm not a biatch. I like the airplane. I'm affraid when I'm driving a car. I love piercing and tatoo. I'm affraid that she leaves me too because I've got the impress that she already did it. I want a new phone. I love my studies. In a half past year I'll go to a foreign country. Probably Germany because I've got no reasons anymore to go to LA. I have bad reflexes. My favourite band is Tokio Hotel. (No shame. Never.). I love listening music so loud and going at local concerts with Sue. I love smoking. I love photography. And I don't know anymore what can I tell you. This the End [my only friend...]. The End.

Other pictures taken between Monday and Friday.